its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I see more hoeing in ur future
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
