you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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