just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im holly from the hills drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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