Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
