I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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