we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
