the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
