what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
