his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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