ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
