I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
