I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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