see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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