i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
