By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize