Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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