I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
