What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
