I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
