i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
