this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
