Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
