Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
