____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
