remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
