you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
