He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize