My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
