i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
