I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
