Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
