matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
