Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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