thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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