We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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