put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
