Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
