I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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