the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
