The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
