Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize