You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
