I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So here I am, sexting at work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
