They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
