when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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