there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
