My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's the barista slut.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
