i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
