This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
