4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
