my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
