Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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