Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
