why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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