Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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