Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
