they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize