how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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