dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
