Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
