I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
