So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
