I cockslap morals
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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