Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
