Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
