Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
