i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
