Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
