the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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