He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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