she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
