next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize