Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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